| it's been awhile since i've last written any personal reflections. i need more of this. it's earnly 3:30 a.m. i'm tired, (as lately i am always), but i need to do this. i'm also starting to see holes in my english speaking. although i was never great at explaining myself, nor was i a good writer, i don't want to be in search for words. (i should've read more books!) well, time is going by so fast and every moment is so precious.. but i want to make my time effecient later. this is the worst mentality, ever! i push and push and push. i want to be a mature youth in christ and that takes three years at least. but there hasn't been any growth because of this pride of mine. it's no use to 'just believe.' to force your faith, blindly. before, i repented myself from the world to building that talked about God. Then I repented from my bad behaviors into good behaviors. After that, i repented from my skewed thoughts to a righteous thought. however, it's still not what God wants. Although I left the world, He wants me to leave myself; that is my pride. the momentary envy, good feelings of self-accomplishment, feeling contempt when i receive compliments, feelings frustrated when i'm rebuked... such may seem like the ways of man. no! such are expressions of satan. did you know that? satan isn't some maniac with red horns and bad breath. satan is actually an angel, but seeks his own glory and follows his own feelings. to God, such is satan. seeing where this pride comes from, i can see the origin of myself. How can a holy God dare to come near here? He wants to live through me, but He can't unless i willingly set myself apart from this pride. True repentance is repentance to life. Repentance is saying NO to everything that seems loving, selfish, good, bad, just, unfair, if it's from my perspective. it is because of my perspective, my pride, the 'me' that i die. that's how everyone dies, yet nearly all don't know why they die. if you're reading this, then you'll know why you die. But there's a way out of death! we don't have to live expressing satan. we can a different life, as long as you want tu turn away from here. if everything is from God, just receive it. no matter how unjust and harsh it may be, if it's from God, it's life. it's a different life. there are only two lives in this world. God's life and satan's life. which life will you choose? which life will you repent to? |
